When I think of toxic people and holidays especially Christmas, I have nightmares!
…shhh.. Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, except for the toxic person… this is a nightmare that many people have when dealing with toxic people or relatives in their lives and its especially worse when you live under the same roof.
The Sad reality is that toxic people come in all shapes and sizes from parents, children, relatives, friends, or work mates and they can and will cause pain and turmoil with their poisonous words or actions to the point that your life is one big wreck and you run into the very real danger of becoming toxic yourself because we are connected and their posion will affect your heart your mind and your very soul.
Some signs of a toxic person might be and believe me these are just few symptoms to watch out for…
They act like they know more than you, they are better than you about what you should be doing with your life
They ignore your personal boundaries
They challenge everything you say or do..nothing is ever good enough
They will tell you one thing and then deny they ever said it
They constantly complain or whine about everything
They will turn you into their maid or assistant where you have to do everything for them, otherwise they get angry
They always have to be the center of attention
They will exploit you, manipulate your and act condescending towards you
They will refuse to acknowledge their mistakes and refuse to apologize for things they have done wrong
They are drama kings and queens
They will tell lies and exaggerate to the point you have no idea what is real or not
They will try to make you feel bad or guilty when you are concerned about their disrespecting you as a person or they will blame you for something they did to hurt you.
They are fake because they act so “nicely” at first and in front of people in the beginning and then wham they will put you down especially if you don’t agree with them.
Toxic people hurt and that’s a fact and for some reason when it comes to holidays like Christmas, it can be very difficult to find joy in anything and all you really want to do is run and hide.
This year give yourself a Christmas gift and learn how to cope with toxic people with these tips
1. Take care of you! You have every right to enjoy Christmas or any holiday for that matter. Give yourself permission to laugh and do what brings you joy.
2. Learn to trust yourself again. Toxic people will have you questioning everything if you let them..you know inside yourself what is right and wrong – good and bad.. before you listen to the poison,listen to yourself first. If you are having problems with that, then get yourself to a trusted friend or therapist who will support you.
3.Learn how to protect yourself. You may have to live with a toxic person or you may have not choise but to be in the same space as that person, it does not mean you have to let yourself be victimized! Practice meditaion, take breaks by leaving the room, quit believing everything being said and learn to not argue or fight with that person. When or if things start getting very bad, then learn how to create a bubble. Try it now..picture yourself inside a bubble with you being safe on the inside and the posion and all the toxic stuff on the outside. Another way to protect yourself is to be aware of your feelings and reactions. It’s very easy to get sucked in to the negativity, do what you can to get yourself in balance.
4. Accept the fact that you are human and there are going to be times, many times when you are going to be hurt by these people…give your self the gift of time to heal and recover from the pain. It’s O.K to be angry, but use it productively by exercising, doing sports..a favorite trick that I do is clean the house to release the anger I feel.
Remember that when dealing with toxic people its not about YOU..its all about them and you have to learn to not take their poison personally!
I discovered a book that I believe would be very helpful to all of you who are dealing with toxic people and its called The four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and I would like to leave you with some of his quotes..pin them on your mirror and carry these words of wisdom with you at all times!
“Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally… Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves.”
“I will no longer allow anyone to manipulate my mind and control my life in the name of love.”
“Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama.”
“Whenever we hear an opinion and believe it, we make an agreement, and it becomes part of our belief system.”
“Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use your power of your word in the direction of truth and love.”