Loss of A Child – Does the Pain Ever Go Away?




“I am getting pressure from my family.  I need to have my son back.”  I fell into my chair not believing what I was hearing.  We had our son since he was three days old and now a year later, she was asking for him back.  Our lawyer said “Give him back.”  Words that will resonate fear and pain forever.

When I wrote my memoir, Battered Hope, one of the many traumas I share is losing our young son and the pain that penetrated like none other.  Then a year later, we adopted another little boy and his mother changed her mind before we ever got to hold him. I knew I was going to be a mommy but my hope was withering. 

Another year passed and bliss came into our lives.  We adopted our perfect little boy.  We raised him as our own and loved him unconditionally through many difficulties.  This is the role I was meant to play.  Nothing made me happier than being a mother except becoming a grandmother of not just one grandson, but two.

I cried a lot of tears but they were tears of joy.  Living near our son and his wonderful family was the fulfillment I had always dreamed of and hoped for. I got to baby-sit often and loved every moment filled with hugs and laughter.

Then, without warning of any kind, the day after our wedding anniversary celebration, our son and family announced he was walking away from our family.  There was no room for negotiation or explanation.  It was worse than divorce and much more like a death.  Shock is not a powerful enough word.  A stab in the heart is not a strong enough statement. 

My doctor told me that dying of heart break can actually happen and I had all the symptoms. Putting one foot in front of the other was all I could manage some days, yet had to continue my business and function like nothing happened. It was a dark place and difficult to rise above and yet, I had to find some way to laugh, and not cry any more tears.

Trying to cope each day took all my concentrated effort.  I went through all the phases of grief and asked all the questions, but never got any answers.

In Battered Hope, I survived rape, marital abuse, divorce, seven major financial losses, jail, cancer, attempted suicide and more.  But the deepest pain of all was this loss of family.  Nothing can replace it.  I do not understand it.  I continue to believe it will be healed.  I will never give up hope. 

 Have you had a similar experience? How did you cope? 


Meet Carol Graham

Carol Graham has written 23 posts in this blog.

I am a wife, mother of two and grandmother of three. Family is of first importance, which includes many 4 legged members. Currently, I own and help operate two jewelry stores with my husband. My passion is being a health coach, which I have been doing for over 30 years. I survived cancer 40 years ago using alternative methods, which started me on the road to better health. Another great passion is public speaking. I am a motivational speaker that has much to share in the area of survival against all odds. I lived an intense life of outrageous traumatic events, always a fighter and a winner over cancer, rape, marital abuse, jail, loss of child, huge financial losses from fraud and greed of others. I strongly believe that laughter will get you through almost anything. I have just finished my memoir - Battered Hope - which was released this past summer. This fast paced memoir reads with all the elements of a good novel – character, conflict, suspense, and resolution. Follow my family through insurmountable hardships and witness the tenacity it takes for me to survive. It is a story of hope, perseverance, and faith.

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