Domestic Abuse|Let’s Talk!

Domestic Abuse – Let’s talk it!

Shhhh domestic abuse is happening even as you are reading this.

 

domestic abuse- lets talk

why would I start a post with “Shhhh”? 

 

Domestic abuse is something that we just dont like talking about in any meaningful way and for the life of me I don’t know why!

 

The fact is domestic abuse is not a gender related problem and yet this form of violence happens to women on a daily, hourly and minute issue, everyday of the year.

 

We have many words for domestic abuse

  • Domestic violence
  • Courtship violence
  • Family violence
  • Marital rape
  • Battering

 

…but the meaning is still the same! While domestic abuse can take on many forms it all boils down to using intimidation, threats and some form of violent behavior to gain power and control over the other person!

 

Did you know?

  • About 4.8 million women are victimized by intimate partners annually.
  • Increased frequency of violence toward a spouse is associated with increased risk of the violent spouse also being abusive to the child.
  • There is a strong association between stalking and other forms of violence: 81 percent of women who were stalked by a current or former husband or partner were also physically assaulted by that partner, and 31 percent were also sexually assaulted.
  • Psychological consequences for victims of intimate partner violence can include depression, suicidal thoughts and attempts, lowered self-esteem, alcohol and other drug abuse, and post-traumatic stress disorder.

(source:Ohio State University)

 

For those of you who are reading and are one of the lucky people who are in good and healthy relationships, I am sure you are wondering how this could happen and more important why these women and men do not leave the violence? 

 

For the victims of domestic abuse the reality is that they live with shame, embarrassment and humiliation. 

Add to that many of the victims 

– fear that their abusers will become even more violent

– many of the friends and even family will not support any decision to leave the situation. Well meaning friends will usually say things such as “it takes two to create the problem” ( making the victims more victimized) or “he feels so bad, you should give him another chance

– because of the cycle or pattern of  abuse and the way it occurs, many victims feel that they can change their abuser or they will even say “its not that bad” because there are periods of love and caring which reminds them of why they fell in love with the person in the first place.

 

 

domestic abuse follows a pattern

 

Before you watch these videos from  two very eloquent people who will talk about domestic abuse, I want to say that as a victim of domestic abuse many years ago and watching others who have been through and are going through the nightmare of being in an abusive situation, you are not alone!  We all share the commonality of having “been there done that”. For many victims, the feeling of being cut off from the rest of the world, feeling that in some way you are to blame, feeling that no one will ever understand is one that we have all shared. Understand that living with an abuser changes you on a fundamental level and many of your thoughts are not your “real” thoughts but you have been conditioned to think and act in certain ways because it has been emotionally or physically beaten into you. You are worthy and you are worth so much to the world.

 

Tips on Getting out of an abusive relationship

If you are ready to leave the abuse, then taking steps to help leave safely is incredibly important. It takes courage to do this step because it can be risky, however there are things you can do to help yourself and your children.

 

1.Recognize the signs of domestic abuse and accept the fact that this is where you are in your life. 

This resource is one of the best check lists I have seen in a long time about what is abuse and includes

Emotional or psychological abuse

Isolation

Intimidation

Economic / Financial Abuse

Physical Abuse

Sexual Abuse

Spiritual Abuse

2. Secretly save money

Yes I know this can be very hard to do especially when your partner is controlling the money, but it can be done. For example, keep a $20.00 bill in something like this image below for an emergency get a way (take an empty pill container, glue a rock on top, bury the container so only the rock shows). Another trick is to keep the money in a clean empty tampon holder and keep it in your purse.

 

3. Pack a bag in advance and keep it in a readily available place in case you have to run. Be sure to pack for you and the children, have some money, a car key, important documents and if at also a spare cell phone.

 

Create a safe word.

I know many people who do not think of this, but its important to get into the practice. The safe word has two parts.  Have a word if everything is O.K at the present time or if it is a code red saying you are in danger.  These kinds of words could mean saving your life and the life of the children, if the situation gets out of control.

 

Leaving a domestic abusive relationship is never easy and hopefully what I have written will be of use to you. No matter what happens, please know that you are important and that with help, support and believing in yourself will help you through the darkest hours.

What tips would you give to a person leaving an abusive situation? How could you give support to those who are facing this kind of trauma?

 

Related articles:

13 Tips on How to Get Out of an Abusive Relationship

LEAVING AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP AND YOUR SAFETY

Domestic Violence and Abuse

About 30% of women suffer from domestic violence: WHO study

 

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Meet Diane (Blogneta)

Diane Bjorling has written 42 posts in this blog.

Nice to meet everyone, I'm the Adlandpro Blogging Community Admin and here to help you with your blogging needs. If you need anything let me know and I will do all I can to answer your questions or concerns. Just have some fun. Please note only those blogs that meet the guidelines will be published.. thanks :-)

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